Let’s face it, most of us have thought about this at one point or another. I had to post this when I found that Rant and Rave About Books, whom I found through Thoughts of A Writer and Avid Reader, shared my opinion. What better way is there to spend an idle spring afternoon than venting your feelings about the most annoying character in book history?
- She’s a Clumsy Oaf
Now, this is certainly not her fault. But frankly, I think there is something seriously wrong when you come home with a giant bandage around your arm, and your dad doesn’t say anything more than “Oh, not again, Bella”, and returns to the television. Throughout the book, we have to put up with Bella’s gory accidents. At the end of Twilight, Bella is in a full body cast. (Clearly, the author has not done any research on what happens when you break a bone, because in a few months, Bella is all boomps-a-daisy. No physiotherapy, no skin color changes after the cast removal, etc.). And all those bones broken, because she wanted to see Edward play baseball. We have to ask, was it really worth it? In New Moon, Bella risks her life just to hear Edward’s voice. This is certainly idiotic in itself, but in doing that she hurts herself more than once). In Eclipse, she breaks her hand trying to punch Jacob. She just can’t seem to stop getting injured! Is it really so hard to watch out for yourself, Bella?
- She has no ambition beyond Edward
This is another characteristic of that queen of moronic characters, Bella Swan. She doesn’t want to go to college, at all. She doesn’t have a passion for anything in life, aside from Edward. If Edward was a subject in school, she’d probably score the highest. Not that she doesn’t get good grades, though. Bella is seen studying in various parts of the book studying (of course, only when Edward is unavailable). So she certainly isn’t dumb. But she’s definitely doomed to mediocrity, due to an alarming lack of ambition. Actually, it’s hard for me to believe that anyone like this can exist, at all (which makes her a very unrealistic character). How can you spend you life with no interest in anything whatsoever? (Except, of course, your creepy, dangerous mythical boyfriend).
- She’s a total weakling
Bella is weak. Not just the human kind of weak, in physical strength. She simply isn’t assertive. When Edward tells Bella that she can’t go see Jacob because it’s too “dangerous”, she immediately pictures an enormous wolf snapping at her, and Emily Young’s scarred face (Emily was mauled by her werewolf boyfriend Sam). Really, Bella? So hanging out with Edward and his family of vampires isn’t dangerous at all? Especially because, you know, Bella is such a klutz that she’s probably as likely to hurt herself and start bleeding as catch a cold. That’s right, bleeding, in a group full of blood-sucking leeches. And it certainly has happened, more than once.
- She lets everyone walk all over her
The saddest part about this is, she takes no for an answer. Instead of telling Edward exactly where he gets off, she lets Edward control her life. For heaven’s sake, Edward isn’t her parental authority. She is under no obligation to obey him. Yes, he is concerned about her safety, which is understandable. However, he needs to give her the space to make her own decisions, and stop taking advantage of her passiveness. Edward is far too controlling; he even bribes his sister with a car for kidnapping her for a few days, to prevent her from visiting La Push, where Jacob lives. Not only that, he also made sure she couldn’t drive her truck, again, with the intent of keeping her from seeing Jacob.
It’s not just Edward. It’s the entire Cullen family, especially Alice Cullen. Bella supposedly doesn’t like parties, or birthdays, or anything that sounds remotely fun. Yet, every single time, she lets Alice have “her fun”. If expensive gifts and parties make her so uncomfortable, why doesn’t she just say ‘no’ and mean it? It’s really annoying to sit there reading about yet another celebration that Bella wants nothing to do with (but is held in her honour).
It’s not just the Cullen family. What about Jacob? He forcefully kissed her, yet she didn’t do anything about it.She actually forgave him. Forgive and forget. Okay. Fine. Then he actually manipulates her into doing it again. (Jacob threatens to die in the coming war if she doesn’t). Yet she feels angry at herself, not at him. I don’t think there’s anything ‘kind’ or ‘noble’ about her puke-worthy action of blaming herself without reason.
- She has skewed priorities
She actually feels the need to leave behind her family, her friends, all for Edward. Her horror of getting older is so paramount that she wants to be young forever. Even if it means never seeing her family again, and becoming a bloodthirsty monster.
6. She has under-developed instincts of self-preservation
More than her uncanny ability to almost-die every few chapters, it is her utter disregard for her own life that gets me. She always, always is far too ready to die for the cause. Even more irritating, Edward swoops in like the overgrown bat he is and saves her.