…Otherwise known as the guide to mass mind control via the Internet.
- End each chapter with the most dramatic, over-the-top cliff hanger they can come up with, leaving you biting your nails in anticipation for the next installment. They take pride in the wake of frustrated comments they leave behind.
- Reply to comments on each chapter, to connect with the masses they write for. “Oh, hello there, common peasant. You like my story? Well, so do the other 500,000 people who vote and comment on it, but I will reply so affectionately that you might be deluded into thinking that there’s something special about you.”
- Send a warm thank-you message to each person who votes on their story. ‘Cause nothing says “Keep voting on my book!” like “Thanks for voting on my book!”
- Hint at something very exciting coming in the next chapter. It doesn’t matter if it’s not that exciting. It just has to sound like it is.
- Post regularly. Say, every Friday. That way you can feel like you have some form of partial mind control over all your followers as they log in to read your story each Friday. Cool, huh?
- Some authors can really pull off the Pity Tactic. This is where they write whole paragraphs about how it would make their day, no, their week, no, their month, no, their entire existence if you’d be so kind as to vote. Nobody can resist the pull of the Pity Tactic. Unless you’re heartless or Deadpool. (Who am I kidding, that’s pretty much the same thing).
- Try to connect to their followers by constantly posting messages which clog up my Wattpad Newsfeed. Which is totally fine. That thing was made to be clogged up by messages like this. But not my email account. All those emails are going straight to spam. Take that, Wattpad.
- Now, when people discover a Wattpad book they really, really like, they have the tendency to become obsessed. But let’s face it- the obsession period lasts for what, a week? A few weeks? After that, they will have moved on. That’s why these authors make up writing contests involving their characters. Judging by the number of contests there are, I would guess that it’s much easier to create a writing contest than create an entry for a writing contest.
- Post a stellar Author’s Note, right at the beginning of the book, addressing all qualms that people may have about their book, including but not limited to: too much cliché, bad grammar, and an idiotic protagonist. This is twice as effective if they have a likable personality that can effectively be
commodizedpromoted in their Author’s Note.
- In case they didn’t get a memo about #5, and they left a long gap between updates, they inevitably post an extra-long Author’s Note, the minute they check back in. (Another Author’s Note, you say? Yes, indeed, another. Wattpad has more than its fair share of them). This is where they briefly (or not-so-briefly) summarize all the reasons for their absence. This may include but is not limited to: too much homework, a vacation, or the zombie apocalypse. Though, in that case, how on Earth are you reading this?
Note: There’s always that one person who doesn’t get it, so here you are- I have absolutely no problem with any of the following tactics. It’s tough to find and keep readers on Wattpad because of how much competition there is. You have to do what you can, right?
Image Source: mememaker.net