Serial: What Does a Girl Have to Do to Hire a Fake Lawyer These Days?


The elements in this story are purely fictional. Please don’t dial Social Security. Also, Kamala V. Rajivales’s words doth flow from mine fingers, but I take no credit for Launcelot Spader’s great eloquence.


From: Kamala V. Rajivales

To: Launcelot Spader

Dear Mr. Spader,

I am counting on the strength of our mutual acquaintance, and upon the goodwill of your own heart, as I write to you requesting a favour. You see, I am rather in a tight spot. Well, not exactly me, but a dear relative of mine, an angelic, brown-eyed lad of about ten years.

This lovely child, the epitome of childlike virtue, is tyrannized on a regular basis by his older brother, a bristly, rough chap of nearly eighteeen. The child is absolutely helpless, and every time I telephone their residence, the older brother picks up, and the child can be heard wailing in the background. Those heartrending, pig-like squeals render me greatly distressed. When I threaten the despotic older sibling with complaining to Social Security, he gloats that this country doesn’t care for it’s young.

And here is where I require your help, Mr. Spader. I would like you to help represent me in court, against the despotic older brother. The objective of this exercise would be to ensure the victim’s immediate removal from the influence of his domineering brother.


Thanking you,

Your’s sincerely,

Kamala V. Rajivales

(To be continued…)


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