The Top 10 Comments on Every K-Pop Music Video

 

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Image Credit: koreaboo.com
Image Description: BTS V in a concert
  1. OMG, __________ is bias-wrecking me so hard right now. (New hair colours are nearly as potent in improving someone’s appearance as plastic surgery. It’s a fake fact.)
  2. Let’s get this to *insert viewing goal here* views! C’mon guys, WE CAN DO THIS! (The irony of droves of people spending time and energy in making a rich band even richer never seems to occur to anyone.)
  3. Honestly, after listening to their music, it’s impossible to like other groups because they’re literally the best in K-pop right now. Nobody else compares. (This comment is most is guranteed to be found on almost every popular band’s MV. Again, the irony.)
  4. Congratulations *insert fandom name here* on winning *insert award name here* ! This is why we’re the best fandom!! (Yes, do congratulate yourself. I’m sure you can put ‘helped BTS to win Shorty Award’ on your resume.)
  5. I showed this to my friend who hates K-pop two days ago. Now, he sings along to every song, and he’s not even Korean… LMAO. (This would be cool, if I thought you were telling the truth.
  6. New ARMY/V.I.P./EXO-L here! Who can tell me their names? (Scroll down, dammit. How lazy are you? You’re neither the first new person, nor the only one, and someone always posts a comment of the #7 ilk.)
  7. Hello new people! Welcome to the fandom. Here are the members, in order of appearance: *insert long list of names, places in the video, physical and character description* (Thank you for your service, and in return, I will tell you the truth about your life: you have far too much spare time on hand. But still, thank you.)
  8. Man, I don’t even like K-pop, but this song is so dope. (You poor fish. You don’t know it now, but in five days you will know everything there is to know about this group.)
  9. I was singing this in the office/bus/locker room and my boss/teacher/friend heard me and started singing along lol. Gave me a heart attack. (If I hooked you up to a lie detector, that’d give you a real heart attack. Stop making up scenarios for likes. This may have happened to someone at some time, but it definitely didn’t happen to you. Now leave.)
  10. Hi! *insert name of another fandom* here to support *name of this fandom* ! (Sigh. We all know what you’re here for, so here it is: a pat on the back. Good job, Marley.)
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Pages From the Sketchbook: BTS (방탄소년단) V, Jin, Jungkook

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The last time I blogged about BTS, I’d listened to one song, and I wanted to know more about them… Now, I’d probably say they’re my current favourite band- no, artist, out of all genres/languages/ethnicities/gender orientation/towns of birth.

This was inspired by the Blood, Sweat and Tears MV. From top, they are based loosely on Taehyung, Jin, and Jungkook.

I did try to make it look like Taehyung when I started out, but I ended up with something completely different, so first, I complained loudly to a patient friend. And after that, I went with the flow and didn’t even try with the other two.

Someday, I will aim for (and acheive) a resemblance, but that’s NOT TODAY. (Get it? Get it? Haha, I’m hilarious! Okay fine, sorry.)

My Blog Post Went Viral?!

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Image Credit: http://www.dawn.com
Image Content: Shocked Taylor Swift grabbing her hair

No, not all my posts go viral. That’s why this is odd.

Most of my posts get views in the double digits, but for some reason, this post has a whopping THREE HUNDRED VIEWS.

I mean. How? Why? And why only this one?

I’m talking about my post ranting about why Bella Swan, from Twilight (just in case you confused this with some other Bella Swan) is the most annoying fictional character EVER.

It was published way after the Twilight series ended, when all the excitement had long died down.

And yet, for some reason, it racks up new views every single day.

This is a mystery to baffle even the greatest sleuth of all time.

Why is BgA shipping Jeungri and J-Lite So Hard?

https://i0.wp.com/www.asianjunkie.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/BGAWhosItGonnaBe.jpg
Image Credit: http://www.asianjunkie.com

   BgA, everyone’s favourite fake K-pop band which shook the foundations of the YouTube universe and got everyone SO PUMPED that I’m sure they’ll go on tour by the end of next year- but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. BgA is a K-pop band in the parody video created by Ryan Higa and the RHPC, and Wong Fu Productions. Their debut music video, “Dong Saya Dae”, became an enormous success, causing people to say things like, “BTS who? I like BgA!” and actually get away with it. (Warning: Do not try this elsewhere on the Internet. The BTS fandom name is ARMY for a reason. You will get pulverized.)

   After the debut, people relentlessly bludgeoned Ryan Higa with requests (and the other members too, perhaps, but I don’t stalk check their social media often) for a comeback. And what a comeback it was. “Who’s it Gonna Be” became no. 1 on the K-pop charts, beating *actual* K-pop groups. That’s a pretty phenomenal victory. I think it was the lack of poop jokes in this one that spurred it all the way to #1, but hey, that’s just my opinion.

   Everything BgA has done thus far has been for the solitary purpose of parodying what real K-pop groups are like, from the way they made ridiculous lyrics for “Dong Saya Dae”, to showing how one member’s popularity causes him to leave the band and go solo in “Who’s it Gonna Be”.  One thing, however, was different: The very obvious shipping which was absent from the first video.

   It’s extremely blatant that they’re pairing Justin Chon (J-Lite) and Jun Sung Ahn (Jeungri), except this ship is real. It’s part of the joke, but it’s also taken seriously, with a meticulously crafted cute moment towards the end of the video. Other than that, this relationship doesn’t seem very, uh, healthy.

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Image Credit: @BgAARMY on Twitter

 All their ship-able scenes, except the last one, are filled with Justin bullying Jun. Anyway, everyone is shipping them with gay abandon regardless. (Heh heh. Get it?)  Justin and Jun have a ship name, and that hashtag is everywhere. (It’s #JUJU if you were wondering. I’m sure you were. No biggie, I read minds.) Jun posted the above picture of them on Instagram. That awkward moment when the ship ships itself. (I know it’s not 2014 any more, but I couldn’t resist.)

    Anyway, the real question is, why? Why pair up Jun and Justin? Is it to:

  1. Add another facet to the BgA concept as a whole, thereby making it a more interesting experience for fans due to added emotional investment?
  2. Reference how K-pop music videos often show the members paired up? For example, BTS has several overlapping ships within it. (Hey, you. Taekook shipper. I see you.)
  3. Add a romance, thereby making it complete? Phil (erm, P-Dragon), maker of romantic dramas and shorts, probably couldn’t sit idly without adding some relationship-y feels to the storyline.

As for me, I don’t ship JUJU. Yeah, the bullying isn’t real, but I still don’t like it. Et toi?

Serial: What Does a Girl Have to Do to Hire a Fake Lawyer These Days?

Note:

The elements in this story are purely fictional. Please don’t dial Social Security. Also, Kamala V. Rajivales’s words doth flow from mine fingers, but I take no credit for Launcelot Spader’s great eloquence.

 

From: Kamala V. Rajivales

To: Launcelot Spader

Dear Mr. Spader,

I am counting on the strength of our mutual acquaintance, and upon the goodwill of your own heart, as I write to you requesting a favour. You see, I am rather in a tight spot. Well, not exactly me, but a dear relative of mine, an angelic, brown-eyed lad of about ten years.

This lovely child, the epitome of childlike virtue, is tyrannized on a regular basis by his older brother, a bristly, rough chap of nearly eighteeen. The child is absolutely helpless, and every time I telephone their residence, the older brother picks up, and the child can be heard wailing in the background. Those heartrending, pig-like squeals render me greatly distressed. When I threaten the despotic older sibling with complaining to Social Security, he gloats that this country doesn’t care for it’s young.

And here is where I require your help, Mr. Spader. I would like you to help represent me in court, against the despotic older brother. The objective of this exercise would be to ensure the victim’s immediate removal from the influence of his domineering brother.

 

Thanking you,

Your’s sincerely,

Kamala V. Rajivales

(To be continued…)

I Read “The God of Small Things” For The First Time.

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This is unlike any book I have ever read. Each sentence is constructed carefully, and needs mulling over. Except for those sentences that paint vivid images of scenes I would rather not see. Those I try to forget, as quickly as possible. And these are only the Small Things.

The book has no linear plot. Time is fluid. One moment you are reading about an incident that occurred decades in the pas, then you jump forward to when the character is thinking about it in the recent past- a year or two ago. It’s like having the rug pulled out from under your feet. You’re eagerly reading, trying to find out what happens, and all of a sudden, the screen goes dark in the movie theater, and word “Intermission” flashes on the screen. You have no choice but to wait, and watch the ads that play in the meanwhile.

This is That kind of book. The kind of book where words in the middle of the sentences are casually capitalized, in a cheeky hat-tip to grammar rules. The sort of book where you know better than to hope for a happy ending. The kind where the minute the little boy goes out of the theater and into the cinema hall alone, and the Orange-drink man starts talking to him, dread fills the pit of your stomach. You know just what is going to happen to him.

The characters are bound, confined by societal constructs, while simultaneously defying them simply by being human. I feel silently vindicated when Ammu begins to have relations with an Untouchable, as though her doing so is revenge upon the society which considers her a pariah.

Some scenes are almost too much to bear. They tug at your heart long after you’ve read them, like when Ammu snaps at her daughter, Rahel: “That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.” Long after this, Rahel agonizes over her mother’s words. “A little less her Ammu loved her.”

I read it in small, miserly quantities at first, because it made me miserable and tainted the colour of my day. The last half I read in one glorious rush, because I couldn’t wait any longer, sitting in the same shape on the couch without moving for hours. The plot is a cane chair- beautiful, rich with detail, but with gaps in between, parts of the story that have been left unwritten. For instance, I wonder what Estha’s life was like, when he was Returned to his alcoholic father. And what of the gaping, blank hole in place of a future, that lies before Estha and Rahel? Time does not stay still, even at the Ayemenem house.

And yet seemingly irrelevant things are described vividly. A television report in which an American boy is being handcuffed, being watched by Kochu Maria, the cook.

There is much to make the Reader uncomfortable, uneasy, disgusted. I have read the book from cover to cover, and yet I still don’t know whether I liked it or not. I think I did like it, in the end. Reading this was a stepping stone, a Book That Must Be Read, a step away from the books I usually read, and into uncharted, unfamiliar territory.